Archive for the ‘Featured’ Category

Unfamiliar Freedom   Leave a comment

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Unfamiliar Freedom

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To immerse oneself in
all our familiar comforts
does not set us free

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To follow only what we think
we need and want
does not set us free

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To believe with certainty
what is best for us and
strive for it
does not set you free

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To appreciate just one familiar
comfort creates a passage
with unbound freedoms

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To move past not knowing
what we need
we can be found

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To believe that any trodden terrain
has purpose for what
we need holds merit
in freedom from
certainty

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9/1/2009
aeh | HTB

 

Posted March 4, 2014 by Hot Tall Blonde in Featured, My Poetry & Journal Entries

Tagged with

What You Sea

What You Sea

 

 

Posted February 17, 2014 by Hot Tall Blonde in Featured, The Minds Eye

Getting Over Getting Over It   Leave a comment

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I spend most all of  my time avoiding the fact that I’m alone with no one to relate to, with no one to love, without anybody to dream and laugh with, without that special other who completely loves me, knows me, and what I need., when I need it. How to touch me, how to inspire me, motivate me, spending all of our time doing exactly what we want and need to do for ourselves, individually and carving all of the best times out for what we need and desire and lust for within each other.

I’m not so naïve to the truth of what I am hiding from,  deep inside I realize, somehow I know, I feel it, that the window of time for that special other has all but closed. The more my senses fall to the wayside, the wider that gap becomes. I must avoid my emptiness, my fear, my aloneness, my love that I did not get to give. It’s welled up inside of me for so long, with nowhere to go it eats at me and distorts me and blends the perfect hallow night  .. .         

         peacock w_me 770x207 - blog_somedays 

.. . into what was sacred and bright and full of lull to the movements of oceanic tides that have washed in from
a far to beckon our return to the sea, in the sunshine, in the grace, in the beauty, in the mystery, in the wholeness of grandeur, to reflect the sparkle of light off of the waves in the water, upon our eyes and out to the universal rays of knowing and in having and in belonging.

                                                                                        

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I’m in a cave now, it’s been closing in on me. I’m not full,
or bright … I need to be fed the beauty of life, to make it real again.

And I cannot hold this void in denial. The duration, as is casts loom and fears I cannot endure.

I cannot endure the thought of ending up in the galley
of the deepest, darkest, wryly, churning tides that spin without care and toss you upon the deadened sea. alone.

                                                                                          

Yet to avoid is like living blind, blind to the essence of all that I fear that I’ve lost or perhaps know that I still possess – this is a battle I must conquer, soon.

I don’t have that many “Someday’’ ‘s .

I don’t want to look back at the World without anything to hold onto, something real, .. . to caress me forevermore.

 

world luminescence - luminescent

 

aeh | H.T.B.
1/15/2014

Sitting Pretty   Leave a comment

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Sitting Pretty

when you’re not looking

do you consider me

what i’m thinking

why i stay

away

did you know that i do

your

not mine

and i’m a nobody’s girl

suffocated

by those who were looking at me looking back at them

willing then

took their kill

i stay away

even when you are looking

especially then

been bled out

i’m just a shadow of my former self

sitting pretty someplace else

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Posted December 20, 2013 by Hot Tall Blonde in Featured, My Poetry & Journal Entries

Tagged with ,

It’s Possible   Leave a comment

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It’s Possible

Like a child in summer having arrived at the beach for the first time
I thrived, basking in the possibilities
The season could not stop me
It was November and I just turned twenty-one
It was cold, very cold in the water
Only the moonlight to find my way into the waves
My best friend waiting with a blanket when I finally came out
Nestled by the campfire my lips were blue
We laughed a lot
I was happy

I used to be so happy  .. .

oregon - florence 2

 
Life happens
you get discouraged
the disappointments

I found no time to adjust, grieve for .. . what was
.. . kept hitting me,
more hurt

I thought to still be happy
I wasn’t ready,
one,
heart-string after another
and still more
heartache & disappointment

I wasn’t expecting this for myself
Surely I could still be happy
mostly
wasn’t I?

I miss what is simple
A hand in my hand
never having to second guess
if,
when
the ironic
inevitable
break
would crush me
The lengths of lone pain .. .

But I remember what it felt like
even in cold rain alone in the dark ocean
I was happy
i was
I haven’t laughed like that in .. .
when was that last time I was in the ocean
.. . with someone waiting to warm me, even ?
there must of been someone?
it seems like it
.. . that there should be

It’s as if I’m lost somewhere else in time .. .
my time, my youth it’s lost – all but gone .
now

If just maybe still …

suppose to be different
this life happening around me
maybe, nah
I don’t think ever there was again anyway .. .
I would have remembered

… just once a love that journeyed on with me-

See, I can still find things that I’ve never done .. .
waiting for me, laughing
brimming over!

Shall I just go in the waves, moon-luminous midnight

aimlessly –

what a foolish notion,
a dream .. . to be of one I (still)  have .. .

oregon - florence south jetty

 

Love
why
must it be cloaked in sadness for me
why
should the most simple and pure of needs
not ever be found
for me ?

Why is such a wicked question.

Why? why, “why” is not the question,
“The question is not why”

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oregon coast

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