I’ve always known that “I’m not like most people”.
I’m just not.
It’s not that I’m ‘spectacular’ in any sort of way.
Or stunningly beautiful, because I’m not.
I have nothing to boast about career-wise.
Neither am I lofty, donating my time to some sort of cause.
And I cannot claim that I am accomplished at anything noteworthy, not really.
However, if we look at the human side, the “what makes people tick” – really.
Their need to feel loved and to be loving. To be understood, respected, heard,
to be adored, and to feel ‘special’’ wanted, desired, and purposeful to others;
a sense of belonging and connectedness to some one else; we call ‘lover’, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, life long partner, husband, or wife .. . all the tangled webs we weave, just being, being ‘who we are’. seeking pleasure, comfort and connectedness. In this there lies compassion.
This “Passion”, this individual spark, this intimate, vulnerable, inexplicable, wondrous, subjective side of each of us is riddled with hurts, pain and sadness – but also of joy and wonder, laughter and beauty; amazement.
Where do you ‘belong’? What sings your hearts song? What keeps you awake at night? What makes you cry? What soothes your soul; brings you solace?
How many times have you poured your heart out only to be fooled, or to be crushed, or to be dumbfounded at where you find your life to be, and wondering what compelling dogma led you into such a scape?
These matters of the heart; what lies deeper than the surface, what is of the core, this place we get caught up in .. . the ‘defining moments’ in life that we all are either celebrating in or striving to regain composer after suffering tragic blows that set us into despair until be reign again. This cycle, the stuff that makes a man a human being is the life blood that I find fascinating and confounding, it’s where my being gravitates. It is where I can see the big picture and where I find an innate, intrinsic understanding,
without labels, certainty, or judgments.
It is what makes sense to me – or if it does not I must continue to listen to my journey and find meaning, an understanding of, an “ah-ha” moment or series of moments.
Without knowing why or why not, or even ‘how’, I seek what lies beneath … because ‘knowing’ is what we can find there. We can find ourselves. We can be set free.
We can belong, some where, and find Solace.
aeh – March 21, 2015
8 days until My Moms Birthday
I think of her, now
my power, my hidden strength
my kindred spirit.