Like a child in summer having arrived at the beach for the first time
I thrived, basking in the possibilities
The season could not stop me
It was November and I just turned twenty-one
It was cold, very cold in the water
Only the moonlight to find my way into the waves
My best friend waiting with a blanket when I finally came out
Nestled by the campfire my lips were blue
We laughed a lot
I was happy
I used to be so happy .. .
You get discouraged
I thought to still be happy
I found no time to adjust and grieve for .. .
… what was
I wasn’t ready
Disappointments kept hitting me
One heart-string after another …
And still more hurt, more heartache
I wasn’t expecting this for myself
Surely I could still be happy
I miss what is simple
A hand in my hand
Never having to second guess
would crush me
The lengths of lone pain .. .
But I remember what it felt like
Even in the cold rain alone
in the dark ocean
I was happy
I haven’t laughed like that in .. .
When was that last time I was in the ocean
.. . with someone waiting to warm me, even ?
There must of been someone?
it seems like it
.. . that there should be
Should of been
I don’t think there was, ever again
I would have remembered
… just once a love that journeyed on with me-
It’s as if I’m lost somewhere else in time .. .
My time, my youth it’s lost – all but gone .
If just maybe,
still … can be
… waiting for me, laughing,
Suppose to be different
… this life happening around me
Shall I just go in the waves, moon-luminous midnight
What a foolish notion
A dream .. . to be of one I (still) have .. .
Why must it be cloaked in sadness for me
Why should the most simple and pure of needs
not ever be found for me ?
Why is such a wicked question.
Why? Why, “why” is not the question,
“The question is not why”