April 13th, 2013 | 4/13/13
I
want to
go home
have a home
have a reason
be loved
have a lover
find happiness
again
I want to be away from
the toxicity of loathing dislike
and negativity • NOT HIS fault;JT
I’m invading his home life
It’s my fault really
I hate that
no ‘honored’
friendship
I want to?
don’t want to ‘live alone’
do I, yes
don’t want to
be with
be with who?
No friends
lovers
or
desire to be with others
I’m broken
♥○ still
I don’t know
Yes I do know
I will find my way again ♥
My Mom is here for me
Reach out
and take what
you want/\deserve
in life
aeh♦
☼
I’m really sad tonight
weary
tired
Beaten down
lonely
frustrated – why?
Big Big Part of it
comes down to what Guy
represented; meant to me
the fact that I was let down
hurt
disillusioned & callously rejected
by THE ‘ONE’ person
who I thought really mattered
didn’t
Didn’t even bat an eye
or even look back
well
-well,
it took
me to
a dark
place
and a hurtful
empty and void place
where I’ve been
for 2 years NOW.
And I’m still hurt and mentally
relive & think about
that detachment
and devastation
I came upon
•blocked•
I seem to be
and many different
aspects of “underlying”
painful
unloved
aloneness
owns the venue
He made a commitment
to me
And our future
and I trusted that
I
trusted
him
15 years of
what I thought was a
turn-around & blessing was
really just the final episode
that sealed my disappointments
and my loss(‘s)
standing
alone
holding the hand
of
my old age
I
am
now
♀
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