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April 13th, 2013 | 4/13/13

I

want to

go home

have a home

have a reason

be loved

have a lover

find happiness

          again

I want to be away from

the toxicity of loathing dislike

and negativity • NOT HIS fault;JT

I’m invading his home life

It’s my fault really

I hate that

no ‘honored’

friendship

I want to?

don’t want to ‘live alone’

do I, yes

don’t want to

be with

be with who?

No friends

lovers

or

desire to be with others

I’m broken

♥○ still

I don’t know

Yes I do know

I will find my way again ♥

My Mom is here for me

Reach out

and take what

you want/\deserve

in life

aeh♦

☼ 

I’m really sad tonight

weary

tired

Beaten down

lonely

frustrated – why?

Big Big Part of it

comes down to what Guy

represented; meant to me

the fact that I was let down

hurt

disillusioned & callously rejected

by THE ‘ONE’ person

who I thought really mattered

didn’t

Didn’t even bat an eye

or even look back

well

-well,

it took

me to

a dark

place

and a hurtful

empty and void place

where I’ve been

for 2 years NOW.

And I’m still hurt and mentally

relive & think about

that detachment

and devastation

I came upon 

•blocked•

I seem to be

and many different

aspects of “underlying”

painful

unloved

aloneness

owns the venue

He made a commitment

to me

And our future

and I trusted that

I

trusted

him

15 years of

what I thought was a

turn-around & blessing was

really just the final episode

that sealed my disappointments

and my loss(‘s)

standing

alone

holding the hand

of

my old age

I

am

now

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