11 Months out | A Simple Refrigerator Magnet
.. . That’s all it took, noticing I needed magnet for the fridge, to sweep my mind back to a time 11 months ago. Because that’s how long it’s been for me since I was able to live a reality … the essence of life, rather then what I have been in for all this time; only borrowed spaces for of mine to exist within … a far cry from life as it is meant to be lived with the most basic of necessity to be met — a home.
At the absolute core level there are certain necessities needed to sustain human life; shelter is one of them, air to breathe, food to eat, and water to drink are the others.
What it’s really like to be homeless, literally without a home for 11 months now.
Try to imagine it, most people probably cannot. It is difficult for me to allow my senses to resonate from within that reality. It is a reality that far differs from the elements of my core essence.
I am in a precarious position, living in direct conflict of difference. A bold statement that resonates within me is heard as echoes of my remnant past.
A sense of purpose, direction, comforts, safety, a platform and foundation for everything that you do (and need to utilize) everyday,
is gone. Love doesn’t even live here anymore.
(click to listen to the song)A past I did not resign … at no hand of mine did I choose this.
A past so near ago yet WORLDS away from what its been like since.
It was of all that I needed. I had what I needed and I needed what I had!
A complete Misfortune is mine to have, and is with only my bare life, the fact that
I am alive, is all I have to begin again and forge through.
Back to what led me to write this entry in the first place; I was sweeping someone’s floor and noticed a list of healthy foods sitting on the counter that could be made better use of if it were placed on the door of the fridge. There was only one magnet and was already being used for a shopping list . On the side of the fridge a few magnets could be found one held onto last years calendar and a few others pinning up ancient forgotten photos.
My mind took me back to standing in front of my refrigerator with plenty extra magnets and would be no problem to simply stick it onto the door. The last thing that I had posted there was LeAnn’s calendar dates for her med’s. LeAnn was my cat. She was more than a cat, she was a spirit animal having been sent to me from a friend who has also passed. LeAnn came to me nine years ago and virtually saved my life. She has been my steady companion, friend … family, for many years. It breaks my heart ever so much that she too is gone. I’ll never really know, but I know what she has told me when I sensed her contact with me in her telling me she was gone and how things went wrong on her journey to satisfy her longing to go back home. To go back to a house we did not have access to anymore, she wanted to go home and she did not make it. I sometimes wonder if I will.
My things, my daily routine, my possessions, order and accessibility. .. don’t have any. Nothing will ever be the same, nothing will ever really be okay again. Ever.
Here is a question that I saw posted on the web somewhere and I answered it.
I received a reward for having the “best answer”.
Question: Is there anywhere in the world like your home ?