February 16, 2011 | H.T.B.
I feel like a soldier wrought from the wars of self-sanctity, … generally a losing battle – particularly considering the playing field consists of those who have no vested interest regarding your plight, nary even concerned with your continuer of existence.
I’m parched with disdainful drought. An inner wreck of discarded treasures tainted with false identities from those of you who have presented yourselves otherwise.
A bleak and pathetic message peripherally echoing demise and overall decay. The influence of which leaves me in dismay, a solemn soul; not with scorn, rather like lacking of evidence in finding reason and motivation to seek out my souls true joy.
Left forever tampered and lone to the cold realities, the realities in which I prefer to elude from.
Solace should not be such an isolating endeavor. The pleasures which are most rewarding however,
involve caring and loving for another and being loved and cared for in return.
Why must this plight dissolve into battle for my right to keep even my dignity from your oblivious and cruel noose? For I feel like the absolute “Loneliest Girl in the World” who has been all but mercilessly strangled at the very hands I trusted to keep sanctity over my life!
This sadden state of affairs leaves me perplexed and deficient in terms difficult to convey with words.
What you believed yourself to be protecting, the purer nobility of preserving loyal command of love, yet determined may soon be without, you leap. Fearful self doubts that haunt you, the ones that have always haunted you, hiding from them will not set you free. For as well those to remain burrowed childishly as if some secret, you also now own the burden of doing so at my expense in the destruction of my will & purity of nature.
You did this without a mere peep of disclosure. Notwithstanding the actual sins that you have committed against me, how can you reign triumphant?
Be as if you were blind to what you had, I must question your success of ever finding what you think you need. Just as I am left with the puzzlement in ever finding what so simple of need and desire I have wriggling restlessly inside.
Days turn to memories and memories to moments lost in time. These are the times of your … life.
I want as many good memories that I can possibly find, this is of course true in that I want this for all, not selfish to think my needs, desires and comfort are any more pertinent than any others’.
Love and the souls Solace should abound.
aeh | February 15, 2012