I AM STILL JUST STILL NOT ABLE TO INGEST IT,. not really ~ not at all.
Not yet … it’s just so disheartening. To the amass of bafflement when it comes to Guy Mosier . . .
With such disbelief and an utter empty pit in my stomach that reeks and makes me sour to languish the thought of such wicked cruelty ~Not nay expected from the hand of your lover. Not in a billion years would I ever have thought.
Linger where exactly you ask? … “On that whole 10 ton ball of shit that from out of nowhere (straight out of the blue) landing directly square on my world”. This ‘package’ … unwarranted, traumatic, and devastating was delivered by him with all the detached mannerisms of a casual messenger who had gone out of their way to ‘host’ you as it were … as if that weren’t enough! …
He scooted this ‘too unreal to even imagine and too big to wrap your mind around’ … yet at the same time ~ … just like that ~ in one fell swoop … my whole life just became wiped of f the face of the planet … heap a shit at me with such an aloof coolness never looking me directly in the eye nor providing any signs of compassion what so ever. I stood blind-sighted simultaneous to keen-ever- so- aware of … the horrible implications that that meant … all of it …
in one brief moment … with the occasion of snipers bomb hidden under some stray shoe.
What he must of thought of as his final customary ‘duty in arms’ to clear and free him of such plague … this unwanted obligatory and peripheral annoyance was all it amounted to him now, finished, now his load lighter … he was freed … …
It was as if I stepped into another world … “How can”, no “who is this person I thought I knew and loved anyway?”
I was no longer familiar with any one thing (or mind of reason) in this world as I knew it. Right there and then,
in that whispering moment ~ everything was gone.
My, my, … me oh my — and he could walk away now with his hands free and clear, no longer his concern anymore. The burden it must of been for him–the poor suffering bastard … after all he had his hands full with what he wanted and needed to be doing . .. in his world.
Never the mind he just shoved what was my sanctuary straight down my gullet with nothing more than a World of Hurts to go along with it.
So, I’m just not able to, yet …
I’ve got to get a business up and going and find a ” Small Palace ” ~
love ~e 2 me